Thursday, February 24, 2005

a new look

Today, Israel announced an updated Star of David for the 21st Century.

Monday, February 21, 2005

I miss baseball

I have received some questions about my new profile photo. The picture was taken during a game against Stanford University. I am actually getting a hit to right in the photo, later to be stranded at second. My short junior college baseball career afforded me many chances to play baseball across this great state of ours, but nothing was a nice as that cool spring afternoon at Sunken Diamond. My Los Medanos Mustangs lost to the Cardinal 9-6. They were a lot bigger than me

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

blogging with value

Okay, I continue to say that everyone should read Justin Housman's blog. It continues to be wonderfully entertaining, but I must amend my previous post. All must also visit Amie Barnett's blog on a regular basis. Amie is probably the most talented and eccentric person I know. I met her years ago and am glad to be able to still call her a close friend. I'll let her work speak for itself as I could say nothing here to increase its beauty.

my day off

Today I had a day off of work. Not that my work is particularly difficult, but I'm not one to complain. As I didn't get home from work yesterday until 12:30am, I decided to sleep in until about 10:30. I was awaked by my cats wrestling on the bed around 9:00 and decided to get up then instead. I made some coffee and put in my usual internet time. About 11:00 I decided that my life was going nowhere quickly. I decided that maybe doing the dishes will give my exsistence some meaning, or at the very least, a purpose. The Al Franken show ends at 12:00 and next comes Randy Rhodes. But she looks and sounds of a $10 whore from Jersey (long story) and so I decided to put on a DVD while working in the kitchen. I choose "At Close Range" with Christopher Walken and Sean Penn. For those who haven't seen it, rent it, because it is a delight (read that in a James Lipton voice). Everything from Madonna's soundtrack to Mary Stewart Masterson's rising star, "At Close Range" will leave you in awe. After finishing the dishes and practicing my Christopher Walken impression for about an hour, I decided to venture into the living room. Here I read the New Yorker for a while, intermingled with long bouts of staring at the wall and pondering questions like, "at what point does Michael Jackson cease being the 'king of pop?'" Next, I choose spaghetti and salad as the meal for the night and made myself a drink. I can't remember much after that, but will keep readers updated if anything exciting does occur. Which it probably won't, so don't hold your breath.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

federalcheese is expanding

At first I thought, "I'll just buy up the blogs around me." Then I learned it doesn't work that way. Next I said to myself, "Just get more internets. Duh." The President mentioned the "internets" in a speech once and. . .well he is the leader of the diminishing free world, right? Turns out he got it wrong too. Finally I figured it out. Start another blog. "The story of federalcheese" will be a narrative of my life. I apologize to Andrew as I stole the idea from him, but Heidegger did say, and I'm paraphrasing here, that there are no original ideas. Somebody in time has already had every thought you have ever had. Then again, Heidegger was a Nazi and they got a lot of stuff wrong, so you may not be so inclined to listen to his ideas. Anyhoo, there will be some posts starting soon.

PS - Don't fret campers, the original federalcheese will continue to harbor all of my incessant ramblings about nothing in particular.

PPS - Check out my new favicon, it's a piece of cheese. (appears before the website address)

Monday, February 14, 2005

spring is in the air?

Nope. It's still winter.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

spring is in the air

How do I know? It's the same thing every year about this time. Yes, the first gang rape of a female Mallard duck just occured outside my bedroom window. The cycle of life continues. GET A ROOM YA BASTARDS!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I wish I were gay

If it weren’t for the whole anal sex with men part, I would choose to be gay. I guess I can safely say I wouldn’t be into the oral sex with men thing either, but being a gay male is so much more than just sex with another man. Most of America doesn’t understand that and that is why most of America doesn’t accept it.

Gay guys are cool. At least the ones I know. I have been to the Folsom Street Fair, so I know that non-cool gay guys exist, but I don’t know them. Gay guys have no need to impress the opposite sex, which most straight guys will agree with me here, is the hardest thing a guy will ever have to do. Let’s face it, the male body is pretty gross and awkward. Trying to get most women to be comfortable with sexual intercourse with us is not easy. Alcohol helps, but let’s be real, that option gets expensive and tiring after a while. I wouldn’t want to sleep with me. But I understand guys, and I am comfortable with them. I find that my gay friends know about music and movies, are funny and well read. If I could just get over that hump of never wanting to see them with their shirts off, let alone naked. Some will say that the reason I feel comfortable around males is because the specter of sexual intercourse is not looming over our heads. Maybe St. Augustine was right when he said that human sexuality was God’s punishment for leaving the Garden of Eden. But that doesn’t help me now.

Most males are homophobic. I know this will come as not a shock to many, but it is a problem. I believe it to be such a problem that it results in mental illness. Straight males are suffering mental anguish because of their perceptions that others might view them as a “fag.” Some signs are males who will not sit in adjacent seats in a movie theater. I first noticed this phenomenon while working as a projectionist in a movie theater and, trust me, it happens a lot. The fact that I was once was paid ten dollars to kiss another male on the lips is another sign. True story. While having drinks with both females and males, one woman dared my male friend and I to kiss. She said she would give us a twenty-dollar bill to kiss each other on the lips. I was broke and in need of another beer and jumped at the offer. I did it, took the money and am proud to say that I am still straight. But here’s the problem. First off, why did the female think I wouldn’t do it, I mean who really cares if two males kiss? Secondly, why did I have reservations about it, albeit brief ones? Because we both appreciated what it meant to be potentially labeled as “gay.” And it means a lot. But does it have to?

It means something because of the homophobia epidemic in this country. I believe people who don’t understand something fall into one of two categories. Those who seek to understand something and those who fear it. This is a whole mental illness topic on its own, but it explains why people are afraid of being labeled as “gay.” To combat this problem, I say we celebrate homosexuality so that more might seek to understand it, including myself. If you have a homosexual friend, buy him or her a drink. If you don't have a gay friend, find one. Being gay is cool and hip, let's embrace it. I don't plan on having sex with males anytime soon, but a non-sexual celebration may sway a few of those in the fear category. And let’s keep any video footage tasteful.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

deferred gratification

To all those who are waiting for new posts to this site, I say to both of you. . .very soon. My job is a demanding mistress and it doesn't allow much time for ballyhoo and tomfoolery. Hopefully you will see new, MEANINGFUL material on federalcheese by 3:00 Wednesday, February 9th. God willing. Which is to say it depends on surf conditions.