Saturday, December 24, 2005

Federalcheese takes issue

I know that "federalcheese takes issue" is already a "regular" feature of this website, but I believe this particular issue deserves special attention; the backlash I suffer as a result of being a native Californian. Now, I don't know how many Californians out there have had to deal with this, but it's getting old. I'm sorry that I am from a place that is at the forefront of creating a better society, but that doesn't mean you don't have to let me merge in traffic. Years ago, I worked for a stone supply company in Seattle that catered to both professional and retail clientele. I routinely served customers that had come down from Alaska to do business in the civilized world. One such couple from Alaska, who happened to be ugly, extremly overweight, and smelled of stale cigarettes, once asked me where a particular stone they were interested in came from. I answered that it was mined in Colorado. They replied that Colorado was okay, as long as it wasn't California. Now, had I not needed the employment, my answer would have been something akin to telling said couple that California was a wondeful place and would stay wonderful if you two fat-ass hillbillies never graced it with your presence. I know, I know, I'm trying to assimilate to Washington state and, by in large, Washingtonians are a welcoming and free-thinking people. But there are some Washingtonians who believe that I am the anti-christ. And maybe I am. But trust me, we'll all be bettter off in the long run for my being here.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

the cycle of life continues

The President is spying on Americans. Iran has banned "Western" music. The Patriot Act has been renewed. I know, it's depressing, but remember; Spring Training starts in two months.

The Giants traded Edgardo Alfonzo to the LA Angels for Steve Finley on Wednesday, prompting federalcheese to make it's first opening day line-up prediction of the season:

The 2006 San Francisco Giants

1. Ray Durham, 2b
2. Omar Vizquel, SS
3. Moises Alou, RF
4. Barry Bonds, LF
5. Steve Finley, CF
6. Pedro Feliz, 3b
7. Lance Niekro, 1b
8. Mike Matheny, C
9. Pitcher

Look for a battle over center field between former all-star Steve Finley and Randy Winn who more than proved himself as a starter after coming over from the Mariners last season. Speaking of the Mariners, Carl Everett was recently acquired by the "M's" and, thanks to Justin Cooley, we won't forget that Carl once said he doesn't believe in dinosaurs. Yes, it's true. And in defense of all those dinosaurs out there, federalcheese operatives will be selling t-shirts with the following design before many Mariners home games. Come out and look for us (but not very hard, because we [me] will probably be very busy doing other things and so this plan will never happen)


Monday, December 19, 2005

All are invited

To the federalcheese end of the year/birthday bash. Don’t get too excited because it’s only happening online and this post pretty much concludes the celebration. But hey. . .thanks for coming out. Seriously, federalcheese is a year old this month and it wouldn’t have happened without all of my loyal readers. I just wanted to thank both of you.

It’s been a hell of a year. Federalcheese relocated its headquarters to Seattle, leaving behind the over-priced conservatism that is SLO county. The Bush Administration kept us entertained with more crimes against the Constitution, the New Pornographers put out the album of the year in Twin Cinema and Albus Dumbledore died. Other shit happened, but I was probably at work when it did and so I missed it. Thanks to those who made it a year for the ages and hopefully more will have the balls to actually post comments in ‘06.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

White flakes falling from the sky cause traffic delays

The first real snow of the season:

The alley behind our house