I wish I were gay

If it weren’t for the whole anal sex with men part, I would choose to be gay. I guess I can safely say I wouldn’t be into the oral sex with men thing either, but being a gay male is so much more than just sex with another man. Most of America doesn’t understand that and that is why most of America doesn’t accept it.

Gay guys are cool. At least the ones I know. I have been to the Folsom Street Fair, so I know that non-cool gay guys exist, but I don’t know them. Gay guys have no need to impress the opposite sex, which most straight guys will agree with me here, is the hardest thing a guy will ever have to do. Let’s face it, the male body is pretty gross and awkward. Trying to get most women to be comfortable with sexual intercourse with us is not easy. Alcohol helps, but let’s be real, that option gets expensive and tiring after a while. I wouldn’t want to sleep with me. But I understand guys, and I am comfortable with them. I find that my gay friends know about music and movies, are funny and well read. If I could just get over that hump of never wanting to see them with their shirts off, let alone naked. Some will say that the reason I feel comfortable around males is because the specter of sexual intercourse is not looming over our heads. Maybe St. Augustine was right when he said that human sexuality was God’s punishment for leaving the Garden of Eden. But that doesn’t help me now.

Most males are homophobic. I know this will come as not a shock to many, but it is a problem. I believe it to be such a problem that it results in mental illness. Straight males are suffering mental anguish because of their perceptions that others might view them as a “fag.” Some signs are males who will not sit in adjacent seats in a movie theater. I first noticed this phenomenon while working as a projectionist in a movie theater and, trust me, it happens a lot. The fact that I was once was paid ten dollars to kiss another male on the lips is another sign. True story. While having drinks with both females and males, one woman dared my male friend and I to kiss. She said she would give us a twenty-dollar bill to kiss each other on the lips. I was broke and in need of another beer and jumped at the offer. I did it, took the money and am proud to say that I am still straight. But here’s the problem. First off, why did the female think I wouldn’t do it, I mean who really cares if two males kiss? Secondly, why did I have reservations about it, albeit brief ones? Because we both appreciated what it meant to be potentially labeled as “gay.” And it means a lot. But does it have to?

It means something because of the homophobia epidemic in this country. I believe people who don’t understand something fall into one of two categories. Those who seek to understand something and those who fear it. This is a whole mental illness topic on its own, but it explains why people are afraid of being labeled as “gay.” To combat this problem, I say we celebrate homosexuality so that more might seek to understand it, including myself. If you have a homosexual friend, buy him or her a drink. If you don't have a gay friend, find one. Being gay is cool and hip, let's embrace it. I don't plan on having sex with males anytime soon, but a non-sexual celebration may sway a few of those in the fear category. And let’s keep any video footage tasteful.