Friday, September 29, 2006

Area Man Peddles All That's Wrong With Society

(Reuters) Chippewa Falls- America, LLC is unlike anything you have ever seen before. Owner Randy Thompson sells “icons of American culture.” A selection from his shelves includes paint by numbers kits, “Married with Children” DVDs, and beaded cell phone covers among other objects of unexamined lives and empty patriotism. Shoppers can browse US Weekly and FHM magazine while awaiting check out. Thompson’s prize procession is an autographed photo of Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra. There are even palm trees on the sidewalk outside. Never mind that it’s December in Wisconsin.

How’s business you might ask? “Fantastic,” says Thompson, a retired electrical worker. “Ever since I opened the doors, it’s been nonstop.” Thompson opened the store last May with the money he gained from a settlement against his former employer. Did I mention that Thompson’s former employer is his brother, who now works full time for America, LLC? “It was my fault for not putting the “wet floor” sign up after mopping,” says Ricky Thompson after being asked what it’s like to work for his younger brother. Rickey was forced to file for bankruptcy after the settlement. He now resides with his family of five in his brother’s two-bedroom home.

I asked Randy why he doesn’t sell more important American cultural symbols such as jazz music, baseball cards, or maybe something representing America’s pragmatic spirit. “Bull****,” says Thompson, “I don’t know where you live, but this sh** is my America.”

Maybe it’s our America too, Randy.

10 Comments:

Blogger Justin Cooley said...

Once You Go Moor, You’ll Only Want S’More

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10:58 PM  
Blogger Evan Jones said...

Quisque comoedum est.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Justin Cooley said...

Teen: haha yeah right
Teen: my head is huge
Teen: like 20+ feet around
Teen: and full of grain

11:31 PM  
Blogger Bill Eseltine said...

Um, fellas?

5:24 PM  
Blogger Justin Cooley said...

I speak on behalf of disgruntled consumers: Weren't we promised WujickBlog in Summer '06? It is now demonstrably Fall '06. It is raining outside. Fall. WujickBlog. Ya Heard?

1:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe I can use the money I will win from the FF league to hire someone to set it up for me. Or, Willie.

5:33 AM  
Blogger Justin Cooley said...

Is Willie a web designer? I have heard noises about Willie learning some CSS but I think that that notion dissolved in a pool of cheap beer.

P.S.
Seoul Saber Rattlers have won two in a row. In convincing fashion. Time to saddle up Clinton Portis and ride him all the way to the championship (not gay).

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Saber Rattlers? Riding Clinton Portis? What are you hiding from? Closets are for clothes.

And I think it was a pool of Thai Kickboxers. Or White Russians.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Justin Cooley said...

It sounds like you tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.

11:27 PM  
Blogger Justin Cooley said...

So Seoul hung 95 points on Mr. Lucky last week...

What of it?

2:32 PM  

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